Friday, July 29, 2011

before my leg goes to barbados it needs IV drugs

Since I was released from the hospital a week ago Wednesday I have met with a home health nurse twice and she has taught me how to administer my own antibiotics for my MRSA. I've been thru with a ton of stuff with this leg and, if you've somehow missed it you can read it here.  I'm taking this leg on vacation eventually.....

It's the newest thing in home IV's it's called infusion therapy. There are no needles involved all the connections screw on so it makes it easy for the patient to learn how to do it themselves; safer too. They say it keeps down the cost and makes the need for prolonged hospital stays unnecessary.

my IV ball
This hooks into my picc line which they put into my arm before leaving the hospital. That stands for (peripherally inserted central catheter), the IV can go into the line that is on my right arm or blood can be drawn when the cap is taken off different tips are connected to the end. My picc line is for two weeks of antibiotics however if need be it could stay implanted in my arm for up to a year. It is threaded up my arm and into my chest in the direction of my heart by a specially trained nurse. 

Like everything else I didn't have much luck with the insertion of this line. There are three veins she failed to get the line in the first two, the first vein the line kept bending, the second the vein ran to close to a nerve and was to painful, then finally she was successful with the third. My arm however looks like it got beat the shreds by Muhammad Ali it's so black and blue. I even have two blisters; I know I know! That's how this whole wound in my leg started right?

my arm's to black and blue
to show!

So I push thru a little injection tube of clear fluid (sodium chloride)to clear the IV line,  then I attach the ball of antibiotic. The ball shrinks as the antibiotic is transferred into my body thru the picc line and when it will shrink down which indicates it's empty. Then I disconnect it and flush a second (sodium chloride)clear fluid followed by another tube which is yellow and contains (Heparin) a drug that keeps the blood in line from clotting; all done until the next day when I repeat the process.

My husband and I are taking a leap of faith that my wound drama will be all over by Thanksgiving when we go to visit my brother Gerard and sister-in -law Denise for Thanksgiving. We've decided to book a week at an all-inclusive in Barbados the Saturday after; boy do I need a vacation. It's in Christ Church so not only will we be able to be at the beach and eat and drink until our hearts content but we'll be able to walk the streets of what I've heard is a beautiful and picturesque city as well.

our resort pool area
our resort beach area
My leg can't wait; like me it needs a vaca!

We've never been to Barbados or stayed at an all inculsive, has anyone had any experience they'd like to share?

Thursday, July 28, 2011

tell it again hans for the 238th time

Hans in my parents kitchen Christmas 1986
Years ago my parents always had Christmas at our house. My grandmother (Nana LeClair) lived with us so all the family would gather on Christmas Eve for Santa and then again for Christmas dinner. The house was filled with all my Aunts and Uncles and their children from my fathers side; upon occasion Mom's side would join the madness; her side was smaller, quieter only two sisters and their families.

As my cousins got older and occasional boyfriend or girlfriend would enter the mix only to become a family member if love bloomed. My cousin Jeanmarie who is my eldest female cousin on Dad's side was the first to bring a boyfriend that I can remember.

His name was Hans and they later married. Hans had emigrated to this country from Germany and was very polite, quiet and unassuming which is important to understand. Our family was LOUD and there were a LOT of us. For dinner Mom and Dad would set up these long banquet length tables in the living room and we'd all sit and eat a family style meal which was home-made by my parents.

As everyone was being seated my cousin Jeanmarie lagged behind in the kitchen to use the powder room. Hans waited for her in a chair outside the door; I presume he was to shy to go in with the family without her. It should be said that our family doesn't do shy therefore they don't understand it.

Mom found Hans sitting alone on the chair, not knowing my cousin was in the bathroom and said to him. ( and I'm paraphrasing here) "You, what the heck are you sitting there for dinner's getting cold?" "Get your rear end in the living room and eat, go on. And when he didn't move she said. "Well what are you waiting for?" Then Jeanmarie came out of the bathroom and they went and ate.

Poor Hans never got over his encounter with my mother.

EVERY SINGLE time we get together for any occasion or a holiday he tells that story. He'll say, "Did I ever tell you the story about the time that Aunt Mary yelled at me when Jeanmarie took me to that first Christmas?  They've been married forever over 40 years so that's how long I've been hearing Hans tell it.

Tomorrow we're heading down to Charlotte for Hans' 70th birthday party shhh it's a surprise! I know at the party he'll tell it again, with a glint in his eye as he say " Aunt Mary yelled at me......" and my Mom will do an eye roll and laugh as will everyone else. Maybe there might be one or two people who haven't heard the story who will get their first telling! For the rest of us it's number 238.

And Hans, he's is no longer that shy guy he was years ago, he's older, wiser, funnier, kinder, LOUDER, and I am happy even proud to be a part of his family and I'm happy and proud he's part of mine.

May you have a long life Hans, keep on telling that story. I'll be glad to hear it for the 238th time, Happy Birthday

Tuesday, July 26, 2011


Write a post that either starts or ends with the words "Lesson learned." 
From my place behind the bar I could see him as he stepped out of his unmarked police car. His jacket snagged on the seat-belt the gun he carried on his hip exposed ever so briefly before he buttoned his jacket and turned in my direction. A different man approached me on this day different than the one I'd come to know so well off duty. This man was sober which meant only one thing, he was on duty and this visit was official.

"Hi Jennifer, can we talk at the end of the bar?"

"Sure" breathed deeply I turned and made my way to a quiet place at the end of the bar.

"Have you seen Eddie today?" "I need to ask him some questions about the Social Security check he reported stolen"

"He's in trouble?” I asked. “Because if he is, you're gonna have to find out where he is from someone else."

"Hey" he replied a bit defensively "it’s just a few questions that's all."

Long ago, days playing with his kids touched my memory; replaced by a much harsher reality of Eddie, who had fallen on hard times and of whom I felt protective.

"I'm sorry but Eddie's a neighbor and a friend. “ I'm sure you understand if there's any chance he'll be arrested."  

"Ya sure it's just questions?"

I felt put on the spot, and he must have sensed it.

"Don't worry it will be fine" he replied.

"I give up, he's at Jimmy & Mikes Place."

Then I hoped I wouldn't come to regret those words.

I pushed that encounter to the back of my mind and got back to my tasks.  As the beach empties, the bar fills, the jukebox plays, beers and cocktails lined up three deep on the glistening bar as I tend to the masses. Conversations drift through the air and laughter hangs like wisps of smoke then disappears only to be replaced by more. 

Unaware that my father entered the bar, he catches my attention with a wave.

"Did you hear the news?" "Eddie's been arrested."  "It's alleged he falsely claimed his Social Security check was stolen then after being issued a new one he cashed it."

I recounted my earlier conversation with the detective to my Dad.

"I feel somewhat responsible Dad."

"So what do you want to do?"

I grabbed the wad of bills from my tip cup and dumped them in front of my father on the bar.

"Bail him out please?"

"I promise he'll be out before you get to work tomorrow."

"So this has been some day for you hasn't it?" he asked.

"Lesson learned honey?"

"You bet Daddy."

This really happened to me. I have taken some poetic license with some of the dialog to for the purposes fulfilling the prompt and to improve the flow of the piece.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

what's your nickname? mine is....

I was going over a draft for another post and it struck me; I have quite a few nicknames. My name is Jennifer. When I was growing up my grandmother frowned upon nicknames. As the story goes it may have had something to do with her family having a farm animal named Jenny back in Ireland. Heaven forbid a new friend called the house and made the mistake of asking for Jenny. They would be hung up on with the polite response "you've dialed the wrong number" click! I for one think it had more to do with the fact she felt people should be called by the name they were baptized, period. It's a Catholic thing.

When I was seven my family got their first beach house. During that summer while the house was full with all of my siblings and cousins I had an unfortunate encounter with a jar of Fluffernutter. Do you remember the marshmallow fluff that you could spread on a sandwich with peanut butter? By the end of the summer of 1966 I was not only Jennifer but I had then picked up another name Fluff; but only to my cousins and their parents who we shared the house with that summer.

At some point during my teenage years my parents and my brothers started to shorten my name and began calling me Jay. Jennifer had become very popular by then every other baby born was called Jennifer. I've often wondered if they shortened my name to avoid confusion. If you called the name Jennifer in the supermarket or the beach 37 different kids would come running.

When my husband and I married it was a package deal. Since the three children had contact however limited with their mother we had to decide upon a name for me out of respect to her, mom was never an option. We had to come up with something pretty quick so Jen was born and became my newest nickname.

That folks has been what I've been called by most people ever since.

What about you, do you have a nickname?

Do tell.

Friday, July 22, 2011

if you want to get drunk- get a sitter or get a mug shot - look and see

The beauty below in the mug shot is my former daughter in law, she it seems decided to go out and get plastered and left our granddaughter 10 years old and her little sister 2 years old (that would be the child she had by another man while still married to my step son) home alone until 1:45 am bar hopping with friends.

The police found the kids alone then later found her unconscious in a neighbors apartment, douche-bag! She was charged with two counts of contributing of the delinquency of a minor. I would not be lying to say I dislike this women, she is nothing but trouble always has been, now her stock just crashed not that it could have possibly have gotten any lower.

this is a mug shot of my former daughter in law
she's a beauty isn't she?
My granddaughter called her father to say she was frightened (if you read this blog regularly you know i never mention him- there is a reason) he's a moocher who doesn't work and lives off the kindness of others and he wouldn't know the truth if it bit him in the ass. Pretty much makes it impossible to have a relationship with him since he doesn't have respect for boundaries;  he doesn't understand the concept and thus has none. He's no youngster nor is she they are both over 30.

So where was he you ask when she called him? On vacation in California. For what you might wonder since he doesn't work? I for one would love to know. He has two living siblings they work, they get vacations, that makes sense to me. He doesn't nor does this behavior.

So lets guess what he did and if the welfare of the kids is important to him?

Option one-  he answered the phone when the child called and came right home like any normal parent would do to protect and comfort his child and her little sister.

Option two- stayed in California and delegated his parenting responsibilities, put his beach pictures on Facebook not cutting his vacation short at all.

Bingo and the winner is Option two you won  the..."you can smell a crappy parent 2600 miles away" prize.  Bravo!

He did however lift one more finger and call his ex-mother in law to take care of them. Didn't call us, no chance in hell of that, because if he would have we would have blasted him for not coming home, being responsible putting the children's needs first.

Privacy laws are making it hard for us to get information other than the kids are fine and the police let the mother in law take the kids that night. But we found out she apparently was told by my step son to turn them over to some friends of his. Who knows if the authorities know of that arrangement. We do feel better however now that the police and CPS have a case; FINALLY and hopefully once this thing gets into court maybe a judge will make them answer for their behavior. God knows we've tried and failed more times than I care to admit.

These two have been a nightmare for our whole family since the day they've met; and he to a lesser degree before that.

And the children every time I think of them and the lives they've had at the hands of these two my heart just breaks. Because when it comes down to it their lives are the real nightmare and we're just the spectators.

Some people just shouldn't be allowed to have kids, ya know!

I'm taking this leg on vacation eventually - destination undecided

And the list just gets longer folks.... wound appointments,weekly debridements, wound vacs, pressure wraps,unna boots, infections-cellulitis, now MRSA, one hospitalization, home nursing care, and my new little friend a picc line- ( peripherally inserted central catheter ) daily IV's thru Aug 5. Ridiculous doesn't even cover it all because of  a couple of stinking blisters- no lie! 

But enough of that seriously people,  all I can think about lately is where I'm going to go when this is all over, when the leg is healed and the infection is gone.When I say good riddance to the last doctor or nurse and get my boring life back for good.

The other day my husband and I were sitting in the doctors office looking at a magazine and I couldn't help but be drawn to some beautiful articles of tropical beaches and exotic places. Heck I love the water as long as it isn't sterile saline!


I have cousins and other living relatives in Ireland that I have yet to meet in person, so maybe when my whole leg drama comes to a close we should hop over the pond so to speak and go visit my Irish family from my paternal grandmothers side in Cork. Either way this whole episode has taken hold of my life and my life has pretty revolves around my treatments and all that's necessary to heal this wound and now deal with this infection that they found last week.

We've had to cancel one vacation at some expense, and our yearly beach excursion with the family had to be skipped this year since I am not able to be near sand or able to swim.

There are so many choices here in the United States after all there's so much of it I still haven't seen, sure I've been to many of the Eastern United States and Hawaii, California but that's about it. Maybe we should pick a place here at home. I could be persuaded for instance to eat my way thru New Orleans, listen to some jazz, have a few cocktails with the natives in some smokey bar or nightclub.Or do we do what we had planned to do this summer and never got to do, visit the place of my paternal grandfathers birth- Prince Edward Island, Canada I've heard it's beautiful there. Have I mentioned how much I love to eat muscles, some of the best muscles come from PEI, yum!

I am really open to suggestion about what to do and where to travel, and I'm not to worried about expenses at this point. One- I have really good insurance. Two - When I was in the hospital this week, my husband bought a truck. So I think we can probably afford a decent vacation don't you? 

Now I see visitors from all over the country and over the world visiting this blog. I'd really love some suggestions on where you think I should go, I just know you've been somewhere great and want to tell me about it! 

Don't be shy, leave a comment I am open to suggestions.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

jen's sick and tired

I've just walked in the door from what was long four day stay in the hospital. I'm really way to tired to write a proper post other than to say maybe after a day or two of decompressing then I'll fill you in on the latest saga. 

Of course you guessed right, it's my leg again; what else is new! I swear to heaven I am the healthiest sick person I know. 

In the past few days, I haven't been able to read any of the regular blogs-no computers in the hospital. I can't wait to hear what you've all been up to this week; but that's gonna have to wait until tomorrow- then I will relish every word for sure.

 But now it's to bed for me.... in my own bed, yippee!.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

don't blink or you'll miss my town

When I moved to the south from Long Island it took a teensy bit of time for me to adjust to the climate change, the driving on interstates to go everywhere, that there were no street lights and that the people were so darn friendly.

The other thing that took a bit of getting used to was the size of our little town, it's pretty small, very small actually. One drug store, a fire house, a bank, our hardware just closed, a library, a hair salon, barber shop, post office, computer store, food market, dairy freeze, pizza place, dollar store, a small garden center and a couple of gas stations and many many churches.

Today the local business owners' there aren't many on the main street opened their doors and had a bit of a fair of sorts. Local farmers, people from our community, business owners, the mayor and others gathered and on the streets on a perfect 80ish degree day.

Some vendors had tents and sold their wears, fresh produce, jewelry, canned vegies ( I got some pickled beets)  and many other crafts and items. They had a bouncie house and face painting for the little ones by the bank.

There was an 80% sale on some of the left over items at our local hardware that recently was closed by the owners so they could peruse their new love (a grandson) when they weren't teaching which is their regular jobs.

The grocery store Wallace's sponsored  free hot dogs and lemonade to all who attended and the booth was manned by The Bank Of McKenney's personnel in the banks parking lot.

I have come to enjoy this type of day and we made new friends over at the new computer store (moving up in the world our town is with a computer store wow!). This couple are friends with the owners of the business, he's in construction and she's in healthcare; very nice people. They have chicken's that  lay blueish green eggs; no lie! Have you ever seen such a thing?

This is a big hit with the little boys; what little boy doesn't dream of being a fireman?

And of course there were no beers here so you couldn't get a pint but you could give a pint!

I think it is rather quaint and I have never once regretted bringing my children here to live a more simple life free of the rush-rush-rush of the the north. I love that when you meet on the street here the people really care to hear about how you are and listen with genuine interest. It makes me happy since I feel the same way about them too.

Truth be told I used to think this was pretty hokey stuff, not anymore.
What about you. How do you feel about how and where you live?

Friday, July 15, 2011

this is what i think - Friday Flip-Offs 7-14

OMG do I have a list of bitchiness for MOMMA KISS' Friday Flip-Offs, if you haven't already check out her site and link up, vent a bit its good for the complexion and it's cheaper than therapy!

This week I will be giving the one finger salute and in some cases more fingers to:

Sleep problems
I cannot remember when the last time I had a full nights sleep.

Compression bandages
These flippin things are horrible, 24/7 torture of the leg. Wet bandage with a dry bandage over it, kinda of like wet underwear with dry pants over them- YUCK!!

Stop already for goodness sake's five inches IS enough.....I know where your dirty little mind is going; that's rain I'm talking about!

Unpaid vacations
My brother and sister in law just visited  us for a short vaca, but didn't stay long...she doesn't get paid vaca; what's up with that?

Derek Jeter
Your worth a bazillion dollars man you should have let the fan/ kid keep the damn 3000 hit ball or payed him a fair price for it, dumb ass.

my local hospital's wound center
You geniuses were supposed to make my leg better not give me MRSA; jerks. I wish I had more fingers but you'd probably infect them like you did my leg!

Thursday, July 14, 2011

my girlfriend with the beard and a PhD

If you've ever been to therapy you know it can at times be a bitch. I went for over four years after the kids died, my grief was deep, my world was crushed. I used to be so hard on myself I constantly wavered between wanting to rush through the process and being stuck with my issues, but through it all my goals were clear. Work on my grief issues, develop better boundaries in my relationships,  bring balance who I was as an individual, manage the stresses of the accident as they arose, address my PTSD symptoms, address my dysthymic (depressive) symptoms.The list seems rather short but it entails many things to go into in this post without boring you to tears.

For example here's a couple (the symptoms) - being afraid ( scared to death and not knowing what i was afraid of), not sleeping, blue even black moods, God awful feeling of emptiness and longing for the children; the list goes on,  you get my drift ?

Anyway, when you do all this work in therapy with your therapist or doctor you build a rapport. Thing are far from easy especially when they do that thing they do and you push yourself past your comfort zone and you go to places you don't want to go; that my friends is basically their job in a nut shell.

I have the warmest feelings for my therapist, he pulled me out of the darkest moments in my life threw me a life preserver and showed me how to get my life back. I have a good life, I have hope, I am happy again I'm not so sure i could have done it without professional help.

We talked yesterday for the first time since Feb when I had my last session. Bill and I are going to drop by his office for about fifteen or twenty minutes today to deliver some tomatoes from our garden (something I always did as a patient) and to say hello.

Through my rose colored glasses I see in him sort of  a girlfriend with a beard and a PhD. Of course he's not a girl or my friend, however he does have a beard and a PhD and the man is a damn good therapist for which I will be eternally grateful.

People have told me I was really lucky with him and I've heard some horror stories from others about their experiences with therapy. What say you?

Monday, July 11, 2011

i came face to face with a suicidal person

I was in the doctors office today waiting for my wound appointment and there was a man next to me also waiting, he was in a wheel chair. He had been having trouble with his chair, frankly the thing was falling apart and I went and asked the receptionist to get on of the hospitals just in case. I was worried his son wasn't going to get him through the door without the thing breaking apart; so we got to chatting after I mentioned in the nicest way that for his own safety he might want to consider an upgrade. He then told me he'd been in the chair for over twenty years.

I was tempted to shy away from "the question" but i didn't want to sit and have that difficult silence set in so I always just dive right in with tact of course and I asked him. " Are you in the chair as the result of an accident or an illness if you don't mind me asking," he replied "illness the mentioned a name of the horrible illness I couldn't quite frankly pronounce and is not familiar to me. Then he went on to tell me he woke up at forty one with a back ache a few days later he was in so much pain that could not be managed, he eventually due to this condition went down to Duke University Hospital and had his spinal cord severed. (to relieve the pain) OMG how terrible is that.

Then he started to talk about wanting to go to heaven to see the baby brother who died at one day old but not in the context that was comfortable, there was an urgency to get there. I know for instance as a Catholic my faith tells me that I will see my children one day, but this man wants to go to heaven and he wants to go tomorrow; he said so. I on the other hand look forward being reunited with my children one day but am in no rush to do so. He said some other things regarding death that frankly made me more than a little concerned. He then turned the conversation to how he's been on medication for years for depression and they don't help one bit.

I have never been face to face with a suicidal person before but I knew for sure he was, he was so sad just drained of all life. This man's spirit was broken and he was crying out for help.

I'm not sure why but my heart just told me to speak to him to tell him how I had found hope so I spoke. I told him how my kids died together and how terribly horrible I felt afterwards. (For the record I was never suicidal but I remember wanting to go to sleep and wishing to stay that way because being awake meant pain.)  I explained that I went to a doctor and talked about my loss and how it affected my life and it took years, many years for me to make peace to remake my life after they died. Then I told him, my doctor was a man who didn't have children and regardless of the fact or that he had never dealt with my type of loss he was still very capable of tremendous understanding and empathy and he helped me very much. And that I sincerely hoped that he'd consider finding someone to talk to.

Then I reported him to the medical staff.
Said a prayer for him too.
Has anyone had any experience with a suicidal person or have any thoughts on my experience with him?

Sunday, July 10, 2011

remember when transistor radio's were the rage?

I have a confession to make sometimes when I go to shop for someone else I end up getting something for myself. My tale of woe is kids pretty much got everything that was needed before me when they were home, so now that I finally can I tend to indulge myself. Should I feel guilty? NO  probably not but I do anyway. Every time I shop especially when shopping for someone else and I find something for myself and buy it, I feel a little badly.

Most recently I purchased this neat speaker thingie for my I-pod, it was for Father's Day; for myself! I know I know. I'm rotten huh? This thing is great, you plug your I-pod in it, turn it on and boom the little speakers in it provide you with glorious music just like a stereo. Even though its small in size it is perfect for the pool or the beach the yard. It zips up and you can adjust your volume and change your settings without opening it up thru this little plastic window! How great is that?


And now whether I'm in the yard doing gardening, or at the pool watching everyone else swim because of my damn leg, or if my damn leg was not my damn leg and I was at the beach, I'd have my favorite music at my fingertips and now I can share it with my friends and family - no ear buds!  I'm turning up the volume; my new music player rocks!

Remember when?

When I was a kid I used to go to the beach with a transistor radio, I would put it in a plastic bag like that really helped; twist ties were the only option back then no zip locks not very effective against the sand. We'd sit on the beach for hours and hours and listen to Cousin Brusie on WABC-NY as he played all the summer songs of the day.

Now I have this little player that I keep in the kitchen, it looks a bit like a jutebox, it recharges, plays and has a clock; it's an I-Home. Cooking does not happen in my kitchen without music and depending on the mood and occasion there may even be some dancing too!

What are you listening to your music on now? How about then, what is it you remember? 

Saturday, July 9, 2011

my leg wound, a cow and a penis?

My head is spinning, yet another week has past and my leg trauma drama read here continues with another therapy. The wound vac      (negative pressure wound therapy) is gone for now and am now being treated with what they call an unna boot. The wound vac as it happens was damaging the skin around my wound so they decided to give me a break hopefully for good.*fingers crossed*

This new thing the unna boot is a wet gauze bandage soaked in zinc ointment which will heal my wound and help treat my damaged skin surrounding it. Then on top of that they wrap this other type of dry ace type bandage- tightly. Its wrapped from the arch of my foot to just below my knee, my legs feeling a bit claustrophobic- can that happen?

Truthfully, it's rather like wearing wet underwear and putting dry pants on top YUCKY! This stays on 24/7 like the dumb vac. I have to put an knee high stocking so my leg doesn't get plastered to the sheet at night and keep my leg up for hours on end during the day so it doesn't swell. This whole affair which started as a simple bruise and a few blisters is just getting more and more bizarre every week.

If I could run out to the mailbox every day to see if my insurance pre-authorization is in the box, believe me I would. Tomorrow, I think I'm gonna pre-schedule an anointing with my parish priest- some priest will do it some won't, we'll see about my new pastor. I thinking positively that the ok for the skin graft will go thru and I'll be good to go on all fronts.  That might happen in three weeks, prayers please!

I wish to heaven I was an accomplished humor writer because I was doing a bit of research on the type of skin graft he's planning to use (Apligraf),  I read that the skin is made from the cells from infant foreskin (that would be from a penis for those of you who live in a cave and are not informed on what foreskin is) and bovine collagen; no lie. Like skin from my ass wouldn't have been funny enough! This is just to funny and will have to wait for another post.

Friday, July 8, 2011

"swim charlie swim" - when dogs pee to much

Do you have funny stories from your childhood that just make you laugh? I have tons of them actually, most from my days on the beach and my friends on the block. We had some good times during the summers of my childhood. Maybe you missed the story of my friend Mary and I as we watched the neighbor boys tie their Nanny up in the yard and cut her hair off in a friendly game of cowboys and Indians? You can read it here if you missed it girls-and-indians.

I was thinking today of another story this one had to do with a bunch of dogs who liked to pee on the fence A LOT!

My dogs names were Major and Smokey and my Aunt and Uncle's dog was named Duke; they were all Shepherds.My friend Mary lived right next door and there was a chain linked fence separating our yards, her much smaller dog was named Charlie Brown. The dogs, all male would wile away the hours rotating peeing on the fence, one after another like a ballet.

One night Mary and I were sitting at the curb directly in front of the gate to her yard. And there to our right was the four male dogs having their nightly pee fest. Then we heard a noise to the left, the neighbor on the other side had company, oh their company had a dog. OH SHIT it was a big dog a Great Dane.

We watched as if in slow motion as little Charlie Brown made his way over to the fence and started to lift his leg. The giant Great Dane did the same and poor Charlie Brown didn't know what hit him as pee rained down all over his little brown little body.

Then as if out of the blue from the doorway behind us we heard Mary's mother in a soft voice dripping with disgust say calmly but with humor that was hard to miss, " swim Charlie swim, swim Charlie swim." 

We sat on the curb and just giggled and giggled; I'm not sure what was funnier that Charlie was soaked with pee or that Mary's mother thought that the whole thing was so darn funny. We were maybe thirteen at the time and Mom's were not funny EVER then!

How about you; cute memories of childhood or favorite pet stories that you remember and would like to share?

this is what I think- Friday Flip-Offs

Ok I admit it I'm as weak as the next gal and I need a good vent. Today I was reading on of my regular blogs reads Sluiter Nation and poof there it was, she was doing it oh yeah!. MOMMA KISS  has the greatest idea it's called Friday Flip-offs; vent your spleen on Friday and link up on her blog. HEAVEN!!! This is my first time and as you can see I'm flipping of several things.

Casey Anthony & The News
Has everyone heard enough on the news about Casey Anthony? If the news organizations spent half their time putting up pictures of missing children instead of drooling over that women maybe there would be less dead kids in the country! Just saying..

Being held hostage
Before my brother and his family came last week, Mom just about held me hostage in the wine and beer aisles of the store to make sure we had enough for everyone to drink; it was  a bit unnerving being held hostage- I almost broke open a bottle! Mom wants everyone to have their favorite adult beverages- this is good- holding me hostage until it is done- not so good!

My garden 
Every time it rains my damn tomatoes fall over into the mud; what a freekin muddy mess. My soil is yucky can we say the words pig snot?

Weekly doctors visits & my leg & the nurse
I hate going to the doctor and its a weekly thing now with this leg wound, and there is one nurse there- not liking her so much. 

No Vaca & my leg
I didn't get a vacation this summer, because of my stupid leg. I want to go to the beach really badly but can't, no sand or water. I would really like to strangle someone about now.

My leg 
No pool ; my leg again .Last week my brother and family came for the five year anniversary and I had to sit by the pool the whole week while everyone else swam, floated around, dove off the diving board and sun bathed. Talk about sucking! 

Grey hair 
Did I mention the grey hairs are turning whiter, crap! I'm using the box stuff now but surly its only a matter of time before I'll need professional help. 

Doctors who run late 
How about being on time Doctors? Running an hour behind, do you think I have anything else to do? I do have a life you know!

Oh and did I mention my leg?

Monday, July 4, 2011

five years since their deaths

Life; it goes on around my husband and I these past few days but the numbness is back a bit. Five years have passed since the kids died; gone in a blink of an eye.

It seems like so long ago sometimes and then on other days it seems like yesterday. My family in and out of the house; the immediate family that is and some close friends. Cards and e-mails from the usual friends, the ones that never forget to remember the kids passing or our family. And a few lovely e-mails from a few new blogger friends, there are no words. Food and drink have passed our lips, pictures of the kids, stories shared of good times when they were still with us.

Who knows better then us that life goes on and although we share our own  little bit  ton of misery my husband and I, we gain comfort in having our family here with us, we gain comfort in the kind words expressed by family, friend and friendly bloggers alike.

“For then you shall forget your misery, or recall it like waters that have ebbed away. (Job 11:16).”

I had considered briefly putting pictures of  Gretchen and Eric but I thought instead of putting pictures of the kids I'd would honor them by showing you how we their family and a few friends are honoring life after their death by living it. You can see a picture of my children who died in 2006 by clicking here if you'd like picture..

This is not something easy for Bill or me especially when anniversaries and holiday's come around as you can well imagine so you will not see us in any of the pictures.

left Jess, Adam, Emmanuel, Gerard, Alexandra
front Xavier 

left Matt, Mary & Gonjoe

Sydney pushing Matt in the pool

my sister in law Denise and  niece Alex

my grandson Xavier

left my hubby's ex Cathy, our daughter Heather, niece Alex, grandson Emmanuel

Jess with super balance, Gerard and my grandson Adam

kids in the den playing with video games

my friend Susan

my brother Gerard